“Just write a Blog…you are a writer, write something. It’ll be good for you.” Unknown
Funny comment, “it’ll be good for you” isn’t it. From someone who had literally met me for a few hours but could see I was on the precipice of a world of pain. What would I call it? I asked and came up with some sad titles. Raw emotion and heartbreak was all over my face. I was just about to say goodbye to someone who I never thought I’d have to say goodbye to.
“Just write one” she said.
Well, here I am, eight years later, with a title…and a blog.
I think what this lady meant was writing is cathartic and healing and boy did I look like I was going to need it. At the time however I decided I knew nothing and sought answers in books, that you had to read inside other books, for fear of anyone on the tube seeing. I wasn’t at the stage of: Yes, I am reading, Are You The One For Me by Barbara De Angelis. Have you? If you haven’t read it…well, it should be on the curriculum.
But we don’t like to be seen to be reading “self-help books,” “personal development literature” however you want to tart it up. There’s the worry that it shows, in some way, we’re broken… and might corner you at a party telling you the whole story to try and get some “other” angle on it, that we had overlooked in our millionth playback of the situation. Projecting basically… the truth. We would like any lifeline from reality please, whether it’s a few syllables, we’ll take it… Manageable chunks, feed by a stranger… because they don’t have an agenda. It’s usually exactly what our friends and family have said but we trust strangers more in those moments because we all have a Blanche DuBois bone in our body…somewhere.
Also, sometimes we do feel broken. But by reading what someone else has written, who gets it – probably because they’ve been through it – we see a way out the sauvignon blanc lake and request a new team shirt. Maybe we will book ourselves for The Sequel. Maybe even convert the pain and experience into art, creatively express it so others can recognise, understand and thank you for somehow helping them, when they felt broken. That feels like a nice positive loop. They say growing might feel like breaking sometimes. Maybe being broken is good as we get to rebuild…better.
My positive loop was Stand Up Comedy…then a one woman show. I poured all the feelings into them and then let the characters write the rest. Comedy is a great outlet for frustration and pain as when comedians get it right, we all recognise ourselves and laugh at the universal truth demonstrated in this one anecdote or storyline. We essentially laugh at ourselves and that’s pretty healing if it’s out of compassionate recognition or helpful for awareness… rather than laugh AT ourselves. I don’t recommend doing comedy without processing the emotions in a room however with someone who refuses to speak because you have to come up with the answers, yawn…i.e. in a safe space with a professional.
Along the way, I have now come to the conclusion, the lady was right. Writing is good for me. It’s probably good for you too. If you’re a creative I’m sure you’ve heard of The Artist’s Way which insists everyone writes three pages of A4 in a stream of consciousness writing style. i.e. literally anything that’s in your head but not stopping… before starting a day. The Morning Pages. Again. I think this should be on the curriculum for the beginning of every school day. Whether we’re in physical school or the school of life. Whatever we woke up to on, well I call it, Radio Katie. It usually starts off with the headlines of: You haven’t done this yet, I don’t think they liked what you did then and what about that thing you did….23 years ago…that was awkward wasn’t it. Do I need this blaring in my head when starting a new day? One hundy no. How do I get rid of it? Yup, The Morning Pages. Not only do we get the worries out, with a side bar of a to do list, but on good days someone starts answering us. They help us with the problems. They even say, you know what KRC, you’re doing OK and what about being proud of where you’ve explored and the fact you still have the Team KRC shirt on. That number does not come off your back. You’re still in the ring, you haven’t been knocked out yet.
Oh. You know who They are don’t you…
So now I’m like the anti-smoker who gave up smoking a few years ago. I could bore you about how important writing is for a healthy mind… . I’ll find excuses not to do it though, as I’m human and procrastination certainly was on the curriculum…I think it was called The Curriculum… Sometimes I’m scared of digging up emotion from yesterday, sometimes I don’t want to face how I actually feel about something. Sometimes I just don’t have time. But it’s annoying. As it’s like mediation when they say, when you don’t have time for meditation make more time for it. The difference between clearing and dealing with the news on Radio Katie head on, before I step into the world and interact with fellow humans and animals, is basically the difference between feeling genuinely happy or not.
So the lady was right. We write to get in touch with our intuition. We know deep down what’s true, even while we ignore ourselves and consciously rev the accelerator of what we think we want while our subconscious slams on the brakes. Our internal Sat Nav guiding us to where we’re meant to be. We don’t live there, what are you thinking?! Do a frigging U Turn!
Also, wait, I thought they were the elders. Oh yes, the mythical ones who just know and wear great headdresses and have magic powers and ride unicorns while they astral travel. Or just anyone sane and on the outside of what’s going on in the inside of your mind. For me. For us. That is sometimes other people in our Blanch moments. But the other person that’s watching what I think and do at all times…Is Me.
And what about the fact 90% of our 60,000 thoughts a day are repetitive. What a waste of time Radio Katie really is. It’s certainly not ideal for creative productivity and a “yes please” RSVP to tea with the mad hatter. Writing releases the old thoughts, lets the new ones through so we feel better and on good days – we solve it. I think that sums it up. It doesn’t matter what we write. We just have to write, act, do a voiceover, or try / do / have a crack at whatever scares you…despite our fear of failure or success, whatever your daemon is. We just have to start. Yea but starting…! I hear ya.
So the title: KRC JUST A WORK IN PROGRESS is what I’ve learnt from my icy, black, mogul run…when I was up for a gentle blue run and a long lunch of spag bol, chips and mayo and Vin Chaud with my bessie. It’s also a state I think I’ll always be in. Not the long lunch…I wish, the work in progress bit.
Cue Latin motto like ‘In Failure There’s Success’ or something…
My other title ideas for the blog were:
Just….solving the problems of today hoping they are the solutions of tomorrow – Uh…just wack “blue sky thinking” in there and that’s enough wiffy Business chat for today thanks.
Just tackling this today so I can put my feet up tomorrow? My dodgy maths would make that – you want a three day week?!
Just tackling this today so I can hang out with my foal tomorrow – too factual and cat out the bag…ual.
Just make your own magic – too Disney BUT being in a Disney is the goal. That and voicing a a Pixar character please.
Just… watch the chrysalis? Too metaphorical / corny. I did use it for an icon though in my Voiceover Process on the website…so…there’s that.
Just do what you can’t – nailed it! Buy the girl a neon sign…but damn it. Taken.
Just Do It? Again. Taken!
Ugh. I’m never going to be original, who do I think I am thinking I might have something to say. Radio Katie plays the classics: self-doubt, self-sabotage, a sugar inhale of aisle 7, v. non-essential shopping and stomping to all the tunes whilst in the fridge door, a dry number from Provence. “I’m not doing this, I can’t write. A Blog…honestly…who do I think I am? Who even was that woman?”
And after all walk aways…there it is. The tap on your shoulder from the inspiration goddess. “You showed up today” she says. You show up, I show up. Sorry I’m late but you….”
“…had to work it out on my…yada yada…that old chestnut. Talking of chestnuts I need to go and see mine.
I hope that my conclusions in this blog – while nursing the bruises from bumpy slalom attempts – might help you mince it, waltz it, generally style it out if we’re on the same course. It’s certainly feels good to write, make sense of it all and end the experience a bit more zen AND Disney.
Just A Work In Progress then? Pretty much covers it. Thanks to that lady. Save. Upload.